Do you like my poem?

I made this up on the spot, I am bored. Feel free to critique, but nothing deliberately mean. Thank you!





The sun shines over head.

The trees rustle.

The street moves with life.



My head spins.

My pulse throbs.

I feel too full of life.



With books, my iced tea,

Maybe some dry cereal.

I take in the world...



The cars pass by.

The stars begin to show themselves.

And still I sit and wonder.



Life goes on.

We seem to have so much of it.

How can life stop for someone?



Nature is too great.

I don't want to stop living.

So I sit and take it in, I sit and live.



The bees buzz.

The flowers bloom.

The sweet smell of grass wafts in the air.



Life eventually ends.

So I sit and live while I can.

Until the phone rings and I go and live in a different way.

Do you like my poem?
OMG, your poem is so beautiful. i love your style of metaphoric language personification an other literary elements and techniques keep up the good work girl!
Reply:POetry.com I went to but they will try to make money off your poem and you so no dont go there i dont think Report It
Reply:Thanks for the poetry.com tip prinsisss. I wonder how they manage that.... oh well, if I go there and notice something strange like conning, I will STOP!

~READZ_A_LOT 93~ Ta ta! Report It
Reply:spiffy
Reply:((((((((((((((((((((((NO))))))))))))))))...

PLEASE KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS TO YOURSELF

((((((((PLEASE))))))))))))))))))))))))...
Reply:You sound a little like Emily Dickinson.
Reply:Neat
Reply:EH heh.

Nice.

Idon;t think i'll be able to do such a good one
Reply:I do like your poem.

It shows some good thinking.

Just wondering--what would happen if you went EVEN deeper into your observations?

Whatever you do, keep writing!
Reply:I like it
Reply:That is very good. Very thoughtful and though provoking. I like the imagery you used. It is an excellent poem!
Reply:Thats really good. You should publish it on Fictionpress.com or deviantart.com...thats where I publish my stuff. :)



The only thing I didnt like was "Maybe some dry cereal." Everything in the peom flowed, ice tea, life, flying bees, cars, traffic, (even books have plots that flow.) The dry cereal sort of didnt fit. It dosent flow...it just sits there untill you crunch it up. I dont know, thats just my opinion.



Keep up the good work. :)
Reply:it's really great. you should get it published someplace.
Reply:Good :-)
Reply:That poem is really good it sounds like it is coming from the heart
Reply:it sounds awsome much btter than mine
Reply:Nice, especially the last line; "Until the phone rings... "
Reply:It's really good. I like it. Keep writing!
Reply:Very good poem. I wish, I could write one .